I have to admit something. I’m feeling incredibly vulnerable putting these thoughts in writing. But maybe this will be my therapy. My name is Natalie, and I am afraid of failure.
I’m sure this is not an uncommon fear but I can tell you it’s not easy to deal with, and comes with quite a bit of guilt. I have had quite a few ideas that I have wanted to take off with and I’ve never really done any of them because I am so afraid of failing. Creating this blog was a huge leap of faith for me. I’ve wanted to blog for a very long time and I kept putting it off and putting it off. I finally set one up, made a few posts, and fell off the wagon. Typical. I knew it was going to be hard, I am still not really sure what my “niche” is when it comes to this blog but I just want it to be real.
I’ve wanted to become a good photographer for a long time now. I have the camera, for 3 years. I know how to use it but have I? No. Why? I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to take the pictures right. I’m afraid that people won’t like them. Afraid that no one will want me to take pictures of them or their family.
I am afraid of failing at parenting. I love my girls with all my heart. I do the best that I know how. But I lose my temper and I get frustrated. Afterwards I feel guilty for having yelled at them.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I recently read a post written by a mom who was talking about overcoming her shortcomings and something she said really stuck with me.
I am enough.
And you know what? I am enough too. When my sweet, sweet little B comes up and says “Momma, I love you so much!”, my heart just melts. To her, I am enough. It doesn’t matter if this blog never gets a thousand views a day. It’s not a big deal if I only ever take pictures of my kids. That is enough, more than enough in fact. It doesn’t matter if I try something and fail. It only matters if I try. If I never try, I’ll never know if I can do it or not. Failing at something is not the end. It took Thomas Edison a thousand failures before he ended up with a light bulb that worked. If he had given up, would we still be in the dark?
So I am going to revamp my blog a bit and put some more effort into it. If I only encourage one person that will be enough. I am going to pick up my camera and do some practicing. Above all else, I am going to hug my babies just a bit tighter and hold onto them longer.
If I am enough, then you are enough too. Don’t let insecurities get you down. You are a good mom. You are talented. You are a great person. You are enough.
Much love, Natalie